A Goatee for Drooble's
by metro.max
Summary: Lily Evans returns from a four day trip for her sister's wedding to find that her boyfriend's face has been attacked by some horrible creature! [oneshot]


**Disclaimer: **My brother had a goatee once...

**Author's Notes: **So... I don't really like the characterization in this one, but eh. It's a cute idea anyway, yeah?

And other another note, I'm planning on updating _Christopher_ by Monday night, if I can. And I'll have a few new oneshots out soon too. 'Cos I've had lots of ideas. And one last thing:

**REVIEW.**

_

* * *

_

_A Goatee for Drooble's_

Lily Evans stood next to the platform of the very still and very silent Hogwarts Express, her wand in one hand and a blue and green plaid carpetbag in the other. She tapped her foot on the ground impatiently as she waited for her boyfriend of two months to come and meet her.

It was a simple plan, really. She would Apparate to the Hogwarts Express platform in Hogsmeade at six thirty and her boyfriend would be there to meet her.

Well, Lily had fulfilled her part of the plan. She peered at her wristwatch as the minute hand moved from the tiny dash that represented thirty-four to the large number seven.

He was five minutes late.

She sighed. Why was she even waiting her him to show up? She should just walk back to the castle like he hadn't forgotten to meet her. It wasn't as if she wasn't capable of walking there herself.

But instead she just dropped her carpetbag down and sat on it. It wasn't even remotely comfortable. Pulling at the fraying seams, she told herself she'd give him three more minutes; if he didn't show up, she'd walk herself. Besides, she felt awkward just sitting here, people passing in front of her. They were shooting curious glances at the 17-year-old who was sitting on her carpetbag looking lost.

She decided that since they were allowed to stare at her, she should be allowed to stare right back at them.

There was a wrinkly old man with more hair in his beard than on his head, she noted, and over there was a young woman who didn't look ever twenty-five with two little children, one a rowdy boy and the other more laid-back, all three with red hair. She had a hand clasped tightly around each of their wrists as she dragged them away from Quality Quidditch Supplies toward an apothecary. Then there was a lean, gangly woman who looked to be in her mid-sixties with her black hair in a soft bun. She had a thin face with high cheekbones, and Lily could see her eyes twinkling merrily as she chatted animatedly with another woman, who was clearly much younger than her companion. In fact, Lily recognized the younger woman as Alice Longbottom, who had been Head Girl in Lily's fourth year.

Lily peered at her watch and noted that she had one minute left to wait. Upon looking up, though, she saw a male figure in Hogwarts robes running towards her, his head of black hair looking oddly familiar….

But as the figure drew nearer, she concluded that it couldn't be James Potter, her boyfriend of two months, three days, and five hours. That would be ridiculous… he would never… he knew she hated….

But as the space closed with fifteen yards, then ten, she realized with dread that is _was_ her boyfriend.

She accepted him with open arms, though, when he came running up and laughed as he spun her. But when he leaned in to kiss her, Lily acted.

"Oh, my god!" she cried, taking his head in her hands and turning it from side to side as to examine it. "What's wrong with your face? Did Sirius prank you? Did Snape hex you? What happened?"

"Don't you like it?" he asked, frowning.

"Like it?" she questioned, looking slightly abashed. "You mean… it's _supposed_ to be there?"

"It's a goatee, Lily," he explained, raising an incredulous eyebrow at her.

"Oh, thank Merlin," she said, putting a hand over her heart melodramatically. "I thought you had some kind of creature growing on your face."

"I thought you'd like it," he muttered, frowning again.

"Like it?" repeated Lily. "I'm gone for four days to my sister's wedding and I come back to find you looking like that time Sirius tried to jinx your nose hairs long. You had me worried there."

"Oh, har har," said James, tweaking her nose. "You know you like it."

Lily bit her lip. "Sorry to say, love, but the look does not suit you at all."

"But I've been getting compliments all day!" James exclaimed.

"Are you sure they're just not mocking you?" teased Lily.

"I should hope not," he said, "or I'll have to be in a right mood all tomorrow and growl at everyone I pass in the corridors in hopes that they'll take back their horrible ridicules."

"And we all know how horrible that would be…," said Lily as they slowly leaned in for a kiss.

But Lily caught herself and shoved a hand between their faces before they could collide.

"Mm, Lily," mumbled James, her hand still against his mouth, "how am I to kiss you if a certain hand is blocking my access?"

"You're not supposed to," she replied promptly, removing her hand. "At least, not until that horrid thing is gone," she added, referring to the hairy growth on James's face.

"What?" cried James, who was clearly offended. "But I've been working on this all week!"

"And I refuse to snog a man with a goatee," corrected Lily.

"And I refuse to shave my goatee," said James, crossing his arms. "I've grown rather attached to it. Get it, get it, 'grown attached'?" he said, chuckling.

"James, I'm serious," said Lily, though she couldn't keep back her smile at his silly joke. "I'm not kissing you until you get rid of that offensive thing."

"And Lily, I'm serious as well. I'm not shaving the goatee."

"Fine," said Lily, who began marching off in the direction of Hogwarts.

"Fine," repeated James, picking up the carpetbag and following her.

They walked in silence for a few moments before: "Could I at least have one last kiss?"

"No, James."

* * *

"It's hideous, isn't it? I'm sure it's got second years hiding for cover."

"Actually, I find it rather sexy."

"Well it's a good thing _your_ opinion of _my_ boyfriend doesn't matter then, eh?"

"Hey, just trying to help."

Lily sat with her mate Marilyn at breakfast the following morning, both observing the man a few seats down from them. He had his goateed head close with the heads of his three other mates as they conducted "Marauder business," as they fancied calling it.

"Ugh, just thinking about it makes me cringe," said Lily, pulling a face and turning away from the four.

"Come now, it's not that bad," said Marilyn, ruffling the pages of the _Daily Prophet_ before sticking her head between them.

Lily gave a snort of indignation before saying thoughtfully, "How much d'you reckon I'd have to pay him to shave it off?"

Marilyn's head appeared from behind the newspaper. "Quite a bit, I'd suppose. He's been going off about it all weekend," she said before disappearing yet again behind the _Prophet_.

Lily sighed as she bit into a blueberry muffin. She then watched as the Marauders suddenly leaned out from their close circle and stood, dispersing across the Hall. Sirius and Peter headed out the doors leading the way to the Gryffindor common room as Remus headed toward the doors leading to the library. And James was headed her way. She took another bite of her muffin as she studied him.

He slid onto the bench with a "good morning, Lily, my love!" and a peck on the cheek.

She swallowed her mouthful of muffin with difficulty before crying indignantly, "Oy, what was that for?"

"I thought I'd kiss my favorite girlfriend good morning," said James confusedly.

"I think I'm rashing!" yelped Lily, pointing to her kissed cheek and ignoring James's comment completely. "Does it look like a rash to you, Mar? Oh, I'm rashing!"

James chuckled as he took the hand covering Lily's cheek into his own. "Lily, it's not rashing and you know it."

"Yes, well…" She folded her arms like a five-year-old being denied a biscuit. "It should be," she said stubbornly.

Marilyn sighed as she folded the _Daily Prophet_ and set it on the table in front of her. "Cannons lost again," she said dejectedly.

"Again?" exclaimed James, picking up the paper as if he didn't believe her and instead needed the confirmation of a bit of parchment.

"So, when're you going to shave that thing?" questioned Lily, drawing her boyfriend away from the Quidditch page.

He scratched his hairy chin as if thinking. "I dunno. When I feel like it."

"Hey James?" said Lily, leaning into him and tickling her fingers across his chest.

"Hey Lily?" he responded, trailing his finger along her cheek.

"Just shave the blasted thing and get it over with!"

"I'm not shaving it, Lily."

* * *

"Oy, Black! Sirius!"

Sirius's ears quirked at the sound of someone calling his name. He paused from walking into the Ancient Runes classroom and looked around him. Not seeing anyone, he shrugged his shoulders and turned back to the classroom. But there it was _again_!

"Hey, Sirius! Come 'ere!"

He spun on the spot and stepped from the doorframe and into the corridor. "Hullo?" he called cautiously. This was not the first time Sirius had heard voices calling to him, and things usually ended badly, so he best be on guard.

Suddenly a hand reached out and pulled him behind a suit of armor. Sirius drew his wand as if it was second nature and pointed it into the face of his attacker.

"Why Evans," he said pleasantly, lowering his wand from where it had been poking the tip of her nose, "fancy seeing you here!"

"Shut it, Black," Lily said quietly. She peered around the suit of armor for any stragglers; finding none, she turned back to Sirius, who was staring at her oddly.

"Just a quick question," he said. "Why have you kidnapped me?"

"I need you to do me a—_favor_," she said, grinning mischievously.

"Ooh," he muttered, rubbing his hands together. "This wouldn't have anything to do with Prongs and his hideous attempt at facial hair, would it?"

"Precisely," she said, then added, "You call that a hideous attempt?"

"Please," he said, waving it off with a hand. "I could grow a better goatee in one night."

Noting his baby-smooth cheeks, she somehow doubted that.

"Look, I want you to get _rid_ of that horrendous thing," said Lily, shuddering.

"No problem," Sirius said. "That'll be five Galleons."

"Five Galleons?" she muttered. "Are you mad? One at the most."

"Four."

"One and three Sickles."

"Three."

"One and five Sickles."

"Two."

"One Galleon, eight Sickles, and I'll even throw in a pack of Drooble's."

He contemplated the bargain for a moment. "You've got yourself a deal," he said, shaking her hand. "And you know, I would've settled for just the Drooble's, but—"

"Then why—"

"Uh uh uh, Evans, we shook on it," Sirius reminded her, grinning mischievously.

"Fine," she admitted. "But you'd better do a smashing job."

"Right-o, Evans," he said, grinning and walking out from behind the armor. "A smashing job it is."

* * *

Lily walked into the common room the following morning with her bag slung over her shoulder and last night's _Evening Prophet_ tucked under her arm. She dropped her bag next to her favorite chair before sitting down and cracking into the _Prophet_.

Too emerged in an article written by Rita Skeeter, who had been a rumor-monger of a seventh year when Lily had been in fourth, she failed to notice her boyfriend sneaking up behind her.

He began the morning like he did every other one: a customary "good morning, Lily, my love!" and an accompanying peck on her cheek.

"Morning, James," Lily mumbled, but quirked when she noticed something. "Lovely!" she exclaimed, jumping up from her chair and facing James. "You've shaved that horrid—goatee…" Her voice trailed off as she took in James's face.

"What? Of course I haven't shaved my goatee," he said, affronted at the thought.

The corners of Lily's lips twitched upward. "James, you haven't happened to look in a mirror this morning, have you?"

"Why bother looking in a mirror if I already know how dashing I look?" he shot back with a smirk.

Lily giggled, not at the arrogant comment she'd learned to live with, but rather at the half a goatee that remained on James's face.

"James, darling," she chuckled, lacing her arms around his neck, "you're best mate is horrible."

"Now Lily, why would you ever say such a thing?" chided James, looping his arms around her waist.

"I need to show you something," she murmured, reaching into her bag. She pulled out a compact mirror.

"Lily, gorgeous, I know I look smashing, and I know you look smashing, so really, what's the need?"

She sighed and stuck the mirror in front of his face.

"Erm… Lily?" began James nervously. "This mirror wouldn't happen to be charmed to show only half a goatee, would it?"

"Sorry, love, but no." She grinned apologetically.

"Oh. Well then… I'm going to go shave."

Lily grinned. "I'd hate to be the one to say I told you so, but… I told you so!"

James chuckled good-humoredly as he went to finish the task Sirius couldn't seem to complete.

* * *

"So…," began an eager Sirius. "Do I get my end of the bargain now?"

"Too right you do," said Lily, pulling something out of her pocket. She dropped one Galleon and eight Sickles into Sirius's palm. "But for finishing only half the bargain, you only get half the payment."

Sirius groaned as she stuck a large blue hunk of Drooble's finest in her mouth mockingly and skipped away.

"Bullocks," Sirius muttered to her retreating form. "I _really_ wanted that Drooble's!"

**FIN.

* * *

**

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW.

Because you love me... or you want to say something about the story, which I would be fine with too. ;D


End file.
